You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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