I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
