Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
