im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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