i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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