he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
