this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
