it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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