There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
