i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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