i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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