I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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