i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
