that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sarcasm needs its own font
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
