he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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