This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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