If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
