you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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