if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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