and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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