the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
