Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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