I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
