I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
