Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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