Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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