he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
