people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My ass is underappreciated
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
