I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
