Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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