I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
