I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
