alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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