so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
