her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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