Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
