so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
