Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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