Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
