I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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