Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
