Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
