I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
