My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
smell my finger.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
