K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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