why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
