i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
