Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
