I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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