meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
