you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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