Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
