dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
