Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
