I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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