I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize