I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
