She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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