I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
