I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
