i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
