so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
