Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
