ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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