I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
