there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
