Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
