She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
