i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
